All of those, and still my kids and animals need me. What a relief it is to have them.
Miscarriage feels so different to me than stillbirth. Stillbirth for me was such a darker, scarier and totally overwhelming place. I felt guilt, sadness, deflated, full of milk, in pain physically, and certainly grieving.
Miscarriage to me is different because the grief is not as all consuming or maybe the reminder of pregnancy goes away faster, I feel like I am almost back to my pre-pregnant self. Whereas with stillbirth I was still in the throws of sobbing, puffy faced, in pain, dripping milk, missing my baby who was almost here.
I saw my baby, but he fit in my hand, he had so much longer to grow in my belly. I miss you little baby and I miss you Jolene.
I have been reading Faces of Loss Faces of Hope. A few years ago, that website would have been the scariest place for me to visit on the web, now I can't stop reading the stories of women who have experienced loss. I also think of the 1 in 4 women who do experience miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. It feels to me that loss is part of birth and a huge part of the reproductive years in our lives. And it reminds me of how little control we have over getting pregnant, birth and death.
Thank you for your nice comments. I so appreciate them.