I went in and we did a scan, there he was, my still baby, no heartbeat.
My husband is taking this really hard, I hope I do not lose him. He was really on board with having just one more when we got pregnant with Jolene, and then this baby was supposed to be our rainbow baby, hope and happiness after going through HELL. He thinks it is his fault, he may be grieving this more than me right now.
On this time in my life, things seem so out of my control, getting pregnant, staying pregnant and now having a gorgeous baby in my arms 9 months later. It feels so totally out of my control and I cannot trust my body or even hope at this time.
I am so thankful for the two children I have, I am so glad that I had kids young, and my pregnancies were happy, normal and healthy. My children are keeping me alive and moving forward as well as this great fear of losing my mind and my husband.
Keep kicking me down, I guess I have not learned my lesson yet.