I have been thinking and reading and working and living...been thinking about posting and writing a lot, I come up with words and stories in my head and words come out to play for awhile then they're gone again.
But, alas. I always have three words that sum up how I feel these days.
Her name was Jolene.
Her name was Jolene. I got pregnant, yeah! After a year of trying, we got pregnant, I grew big and pretty with a baby in my belly. Every appointment was lovely and everything looked normal and fine. We were having a baby. Our two older kids knew her and felt her kick and they were excited too.
Just the other day, my girl and I were shopping for a birthday present for her friend and we saw a really cute fuzzy lamb eared jacket, and she says with a proud smile, "Mama, that would look really cute on Jolene, too bad we can't see her in it though," I did not know what to say other than, "Yes, it would." Then she looks down at the jacket in her hand and she says,"But she's dead."
That about sums it up. You know you are a part of the club when you are engorged with milk, your arms ache for your child, and then you see her on the table in front of you in a box of ashes.
been thinking about others out there as well...I hope for peace and happiness for you all too.
10 months ago