Thursday, June 3, 2010

June 3, 2010

Almost one year. I think I remember this time last year. A big pregnant belly, people told me I looked beautiful and happy. I was, I was expecting a gorgeous new baby, my little boy was turning 8. It was a summer. I did have a nagging feeling that something was not right with my pregnancy. I had not been feeling her nudge or kick at me all the time like my two other babies did. I missed her kicking me. I played music and drank cold water and a soft nudge would come. I thought everything was really ok, but as it turns out this was a sign that she was slipping through my fingers like fairy dust she was just a dream that could slip through. I miss her.

I miss her. I love her.
I am sad today for her and really for me. Because it took us a year to get pregnant with her and now my body does not want to pregnant again. It is really sad this journey of baby loss followed by infertility. Is it a sign? Should I not have another? I guess I will just let this thought go too, let it go and see what happens...?

Thinking of all you mothers who have a had baby in your arms and you love them without condition with all your heart. You heart truly does live outside your chest. I do know that.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry. That is such a heart wrenching description, your little girl slipping through your fingers.

    My body doesn't seem to want to get pregnant again either. It does feel like an additional sadness.

    Thinking of you and remembering Jolene, especially over the coming days. x