Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Since my last post, so much has changed. Impermanence? Yes, well. Now then, I first wanted to say hello blog, and hello out there. I also first wanted to say how much I love and am thankful for my life. It sounded as if I felt my life was pretty horrendous, but it is not. I am married, I have two gorgeous and healthy children. I have friends and family who love me.

Now that that's there, since it has been 6 months since I lost my baby and apparently my "lightness." I really want to ask is it full of malice and contempt to shut out a person from your life who said after your loss this...? "My doctor was just so conservative, I wonder why you were not on bed rest and monitored more closely?"

This question came from well someone close to me, who is like a sister, that close. She had to go on bed rest during her pregnancy and her baby came at 37 weeks, a healthy 6 lb. baby girl. I don't know all the issues she experienced in her pregnancy, but she sounded high-risk to me, she was on hospital bed rest. For the record, I was quite low-risk, and my baby was low-risk. All the testing and monitoring came out pretty perfect every appoinment, until the day I heard them say and saw her body lifeless on the monitor, "This baby does not have heartbeat," I was sure I was bringing home a healthy baby.

So, let me ask, is it full of malice and contempt to shut out someone from your life when they make the comment that she was glad her doctors were more conservative than mine? Is it just selfish, what is it? Is it my own guilt that shut her out, then is that selfish?
I am pondering this today and probably tomorrow, do we act compassionately when we feel someone says something insensitive after our loss?

1 comment:

  1. I think we can only try. Sometimes the need for self-preservation might require you to take a bit of break from a particular person, at least for a while?
    I think people can be very reluctant to accept that, sometimes, there is nothing that doctors can do. Where there is no course of treatment that would have changed the outcome?
    As for selfishness or malice, I can only say that you are a more compassionate soul than me by your consideration of this question in the first place. I think that anyone who said that to me would have found themselves off my Christmas card list, no ifs or buts.