Thursday, January 5, 2012

A baby boy is born...

It is January 2012, it has been 2.5 years since my little girl was born, she would be 2 and a half, talking, laughing, dancing, playing, she is also a big sister.

We had a gorgeous little boy born early at 36.4 weeks, but healthy and big at 7 lbs even in early December. He is growing and thriving and I am so grateful. My pregnancy was full of anxiety, and joy. On the one hand, I was so grateful to be able to experience another pregnancy with a kicking baby and a baby who had a beautiful heartbeat. On the other hand, I had daily anxious thoughts about his safe arrival. I began my pregnancy with a regular ob, and in the end began seeing a high risk MFM, which was so amazing. The twice weekly NST's were both nerve wracking and helpful. It simply was the longest 9 months of my life.

I went into preterm labor, starting at 31 weeks, something I have never done, I think it was the stress. They stopped the labor three times after I had gone into L&D at 31 weeks, I was on procardia for contractions until my water broke.

Even when my water broke, I was not joyous, only deeply concerned, thinking things like, will his cord prolapse? Will my placenta pull away from the uterus, will my c-sectioned belly rupture? The drive to the hospital, I prayed all the while knowing that anything can happen, it happened before, remember?

And so, I stand on the other side of her stillbirth with empty arms for her and the dreams I had for her, I still miss her so. And I stand here with a new life, a little boy who I hope and dream for, I hope he has a beautiful life. The grief over her is still there. The joy of this new baby is there too. Here is the little dude, going to run a few errands with his Mom, he is a happy little baby and I am so thankful for him. There is so much more to write, but for now...


  1. Gorgeous boy. Missed sister. Sending you love as you navigate this complicated and joyous time.

  2. Oh mamma.. he is precious. Congratulations to you on his healthy arrival! Sending love and light as you work your way through everything that comes with this new life.. and the one that will always live in your heart.

  3. How lovely to hear from you. He is absolutely precious. What a beautiful boy.

    I'm sorry that you had such an anxious pregnancy, it must have been terrifying to go into preterm labour and I'm so glad that they managed to hold it off for a few more vital weeks.

    Remembering your beautiful Jolene, his sister xo

  4. Oh my! haven't you been a busy mama! Congratulations a hundred million times over. There really is nothing more joyous to me than a baby born to a mother who's child has died. I hope for this myself.
    Your boy is absolutely beautiful and perfect and I know he does not make you miss Jolene any less but I do hope he is filling your heart with love, just so much love.
    2012 will be one of your best years ever! Love to you and your little man while remembering your daughter who should be here too.

  5. I wanted you to know I've been thinking of you and your sweet baby boy. I would love to know how you are, how was his birth, what is his name. I can't find an email for you. Sending love

    1. Hey- I had a very good but scary and anxious pregnancy. I did not write about it, I was afraid to jinx something. It was the longest 9 months of my life, but we got to the end and had a healthy and live baby, it was truly a miracle. It is a miracle to me that things turn out ok most of the time. It was a scary time, I had a few scares which prompted me to be seen by a perinatalogist for my entire pregnancy. I probably would have stayed with my regular OB even after what happened with Jolene, but during this pregnancy, we had an issue with the placenta that could have been bad, but it turned out to be ok... Our baby grew beautifully and we always had good NST's and in the end, after several times having preterm labor, my water broke at 36.4 weeks. I had a c section because he was breech. it all went beautifully! thanks for the comments! i will be reading along on your blog...peace~

  6. I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. I send you positivity and hope you are soaking up all that fabulous babyboy smell and enjoying sunsets with him alive and well.

  7. You left a comment on my blog a long time ago and I just happened to read back and click on it today.

    We both had subsequent little boys; our Ben arrived in January this year. I just wanted to say thank you for that long ago comment and I am so glad that you too have another bite at the joy apple, even with all the things an emotions that also brings.