I just read a wonderful post by stilllifewithcircles called a Brave New World. It was so wonderfully written about who our friends are and who we are after a devastating loss. It was about having some friends who simply are either too anxious about their own stressful lives to act compassionately towards a friend, or are not compassionate at all, and ultimately letting those friends out of our lives. It was about having really good friends who acted appropriately after our babies died. They were the ones who were wonderful and compassionate and said, "I'm sorry." I think most people just fit into the too lazy or preoccupied by their own lives to recognize another person's pain, or they are too saddened by terrible news they don't know how to respond. So, I try not to take it serious when a friend behaves in a bizarre way towards me after the loss of Jolene. But, as with many devastating life altering events, I became a new person. I changed. I know who my friends are, I know who I want to be around, I know who I think maybe its best that we're not friends and I also know that there are some people who cannot imagine that bad things happen to good people every day all the time.
Just the other day, a mother of one of my child's friends in school saw me and came up to me to give me a hug and say how sorry she was, she even cried with me. It was so nice of her. I thought that she either did not know about our baby or did not know what to say because this was the first time she has said a word to me in months. I was a bit baffled by her behavior at first, but then a light came on for me that she understood, she had compassion for me and my family, she just did not know how/what to say.
My wish and hope for today is that I choose compassion and joy and light.
9 months ago