Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Letter to Jolene

Dear Jolene,
How are you baby girl? I miss you. We have done so much without you here lately. I guess you could say that life has moved on. I miss you so much. How I would love to nurse you and hold you! I ache to hold you and look into your eyes while you nurse. Dad and I went to a beautiful wedding in Montana, there we saw your cousin K, he is getting so big and he is adorable. I know you would have loved getting to know him. He has blond hair and blue eyes, he is a big baby and long. I met another baby lost mama at the wedding. I made a comment that another mom looked pregnant at the wedding. I am very tuned in to pregnant people and babies because of you sweetheart. Well, they told me that she was not pregnant, but had just lost twins.

What? As if I hadn't heard them right.

She lost twins, not too long ago. I decided right then and there I would introduce my self and tell her about you, I and I hope she would tell me about her twins. Maybe you met them in heaven?
I hope you are all playing together, three sweet girls just playing.

I introduced myself, we both started crying. We talk easily to each other, we can relate to all the feelings, everything happening in our grief. What a relief! It is a club I never wanted us to join, my baby Jolene, but now that we did, let's make the best of it and cry with others who have, and I will remember you always, as long as I live, I will remember and say your name loudly every day so you can hear me. Please know that I love you and miss you, I wish you could come to my dreams again soon, have fun playing with your friends.

love, Mom